Archive for November, 2008

Would fat people by any other name, eat as many sweets?

Posted in Johnocidal Musings with tags , , , , , , , , , , on November 30, 2008 by Jack

  It’s strange isn’t it, these creatures some people will pair off with. Oftentimes making you wonder… “Is that a woman or did a tanker of pudding smash into a baby gap?”

  The shocking answer to that question is that it is, in fact a woman. Worst of all, they breed. These gelatinous mutants waddling about wearing less articles of clothing yet using more clothe than the 101st air-born does for parachutes. The amount of cows you would have to kill to produce a single leather jacket for them is staggering.

  Abstaining from nothing but proper diets, these purveyors of pudge are traumatizing our youth and polluting our air by driving SUVs, because even that V8 sedan they shelled out for doesn’t have the torque to haul their mammoth bodys over that speed bump.

  They’re not all bad however, they do drive our construction industry with the amount of buildings that have to be burned in order to cremate them (a la Gilbert Grape) because it’s literally cheaper than buying up that many plots in a graveyard.

  Sometimes… just, sometimes I wish I could go up to some of them and scream, “FAT!” 

  “FAT FAT FATTY MC FAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaAAAAT!!” Then drive away as they continue to lick their ice cream, not quite comprehending what they just experienced.

  “It’s glandular,” they say. Glandular.

  “No, I’ve seen and known the people who have glandular problems, they eat properly. You have a warehouse pallet of cheetos on top of your jeep.”

  “Do you think I like being this way?” they say.

  “No but I think you feed on, amongst other things, the sympathy of others. It’s childish to go around playing the victim because you don’t have self control. That argument doesn’t work when coming from pedophiles, why should we accept it from you just because you’re only hurting yourself?”

 

This isn’t for anyone who’s 10, 20, or even 50 lbs overweight. This is for that girl who’s 5′ and 350lbs that wears a 2 piece bikini at the beach. This is for the girl in the size 16 with that third chin who can’t contemplate why no one wants to dance with her. This is for the former high school athlete who’s run out of numbers on the scale and can’t understand why his wife isn’t intimate anymore. THIS IS FOR ANYONE WHO’S ASS DOESN’T STOP MOVING UNTIL 10 MINUTES AFTER THEY DO!

As salaam alaykum

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Obama Wins! What’s the prize?

Posted in Political Postings with tags , , , , , , on November 5, 2008 by Jack

Barack Hussein Obama is the new President Elect for these United States of America. That being said, I have a request for the pundits as well as the people at large.

STOP COMPARING OBAMA TO OTHER PEOPLE.

There’s nothing wrong with drawing connections and distinctions between Obama and other leaders, the problem I have with most of the comparisons is this; THEY’VE ALL BEEN ASSASSINATED!

He’s been compared to JFK, Martin Luther King Junior, and of course, Abraham Lincoln. All great men, all killed in their prime. Is there anyone who he can be contrasted against that didn’t catch a bullet?

Reagan? No… Ghandi? No he was shot in the stomach… ironically the smallest target on his body… RFK? Malcolm X? No… Jesus? Well… they didn’t have nail-guns back then…

The problem I have is, the more I try to think of someone to compare him to that wasn’t murdered, the more murdered people come to mind. You go ahead and try it.

*sigh*  Hope, Change, and mental anguish over the fact that you know people out there really do wish to see this man dead. 

WAIT! I GOT ONE! Nelson Mandella… any others?

As salaam alaykum.